I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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