I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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