1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
