you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
