Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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