i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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