please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
