...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
