So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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