Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
