did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
