i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
