If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
