Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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