i don't like sucking hair
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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