Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I look better un-naked...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
