just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
