well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
