as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
