I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
