So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dicks are not precious.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
