I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize