We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
