If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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