God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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