I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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