he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
