Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
