I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
