Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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