We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize