i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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