My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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