We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
