there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
