So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize