and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
