Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
