If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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