4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
