Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you win again, gameday.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
