mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
