Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
