Just cropdusted the office
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
