Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
