we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
