So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
