This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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