We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
