God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
