if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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