If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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