Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
