i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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