I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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