I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
