I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
