I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
