I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
