walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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