fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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