you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize