Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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