I puked a lego.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
