saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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