i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
