I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
