The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
